In circa 2015 to 2017, she was actually one of my online friends. I met her through a website that was for writing and quizzes. On the website, I met her through a friend that I was dating that lived in Europe. I was probably 15 year olds at the time, and Emma was possibly around 2 years younger. We had a tiny friend group on the website, and I was "the oldest" I guess you could say because everyone was 2 years younger than me. I didn't really like that, only because I had to be too mature in real life anyway for my age. I was born in 2000, and I was just beginning high school, but I felt like I had had to had the strength of a man in his late 20's. It messed me up, and I can't recover to this day. I think she messaged me first, actually right when the person I was dating told me that she was going to message me to introduce herself (it was really quick).

It was a hard and difficult time in my life, but making friends online made it more quaint. Like at least being hurt didn't mean that people would ignore me completely. I kind of wish I could have that back, but I think it was an immunity you get as a kid who still deserves to be seen at least even a little bit. I don't have friends since, and it's almost like I don't deserve it. We actually went by anonymous names on the website, so I didn't actually know what her name was at all for the first half. I had chats with her, and it was usually about anime, what she likes, and about our friends on the website. The small group of friends we had also usually made edits of each other with our anonymous names, it was probably actually the only fun thing to do. She also told me that she lived in Australia ... which I kind of felt like was a lie, probably since it's all supposed to be anonymous. But I tried to believe it anyway.

Emma had actually showed me some pictures of her first, and I remember one was of her hair dyed blonde. She might've said she prefers it that way(?). I was super insecure at the time, and not even like myself, so I showed her one selfie of me. I had jet black hair and glasses, a lot of black makeup so...yeah. I didn't want to show any more. I think during showing each other our faces, she actually told me that she was going to be acting in the future. She had only been in one thing at the time (as a child) so she said that she needed to finish high school before beginning acting again. It was kind of a secretive subject, so she told me not to tell anyone. I think after that she told me that she'd give me her Instagram and we could talk on there more, which I accepted and we did.

I think I was her friend for around 2 or so years online. It was 2017 and I had been dating the friend from Europe for around 3 years, and things weren't really working out. They had lied about their age to me (saying that they were older just to impress me) and also forced me to be more mature for their sake since they were actually younger, so I broke up with them right as I turned 17. I was super traumatized about this and decided to delete all of my social media, including the one I was talking to Emma on. My whole personality and self felt like a weirdo-show for the sake of others, and I didn't want to be known anymore so I could feel normal even if it meant never being seen. We were mid-conversation and I felt like I wanted to continue talking to her more because she was really comforting and I knew we could've been closer friends, but I just decided to delete it and never go back. I didn't like myself and how others made me feel or be...

I completely forgot about everything since I was gone anyway. I barely remembered anything from the website or who I was even talking to. But I guess in 2023, I tried to watch a Netflix show and I made it to the very last episode before suddenly realizing that I recongnized her as my online friend from way back. It was kind of weird because it was only a few selfies that I could think back to of what she looked like. I didn't remember anything at all, and also yeah I completely still believed that she might've lived in Australia so what if it wasn't her? But I checked her Instagram and saw it was the same name as the one I was chatting with all the years ago. I started to remember that she did say she was acting soon after completing high school, so I guess she did. It's super cool, but the last time I was talking to her I wasn't myself so...I don't know how to go about this. But it was super fun.

(Disclaimer: Sorry for the weird title to this page, I just didn't know what else to put it as.)